Once, he sees all the dark behind that little door, like it opens on a mountain clif, fall, fear, – you know how it feels when you fall in your dreams – or one of hell’s doors, and sometimes it is just like a passthrogh to a maze of other doors, but the good thing is that he always wakes up, sometimes too late and sometimes frightened of what he witness behind that door, hmmm, this was the usual case, all dreams, and all ends when he waks up, so he started to ignore that door, although it was there standing next to his pillow, and he always sleeps on sounds coming from behind that door, yes he started ignoring that door like it is part of the wall, and it never existed at all, sometimes it helps ignoring things, just like when you bend the below over your head in a sleepless windy night – I really miss winter –

It ruined his life, that door actually it got transferred from the wall to his mind and now it is chasing him everywhere, now he is afraid to open any door, in his long journeys and day to day tasks, he just ignore the doors, or door likes, he is even afraid to open a drawer, or even his bag pockets, so easily he gets surprised, few are the people who is not curios to open doors.

It was a scary cold night, all deamons are out, heavy rain, thunder, wind whistles, it almost took the roof off; he barely managed to sleep …..

A bird whistling on his room, this is the first time he wakes like this, room shining with a bright light, he was surprised big time, that evil wind managed to open that door, and he is not afraid anymore, it was something he never saw before, a lovely green field, water fall, flowers smells like perfumes, fruits, birds, baby lions, everybody is happy over there, quickly jumped off his bed and happily started running there.

Forgetting time, life, worries, about everything, just like what he is doing right now, he stopped on a lovely red rose, – a true Adenium – , where he decided to take it home, well that flower just passed through his hand!  he was shocked it is looks like a ghost, he was never able to touch that flower, now everything is getting cleared out, all around is just a fake, and it all started to fade, when he woke up and realized that he is still in one of his dreams !!!

Well he was really sad at that time! – Comm’on it is just a mater of opening that god damn door -, but no it is not that easy for this guy, well let me tell you about this guy, he used to be normal, but too much thinking just ruined his mind, he is like a fisherman who quits fishing because he didn’t find solomon’s ring in his first fish, yeah he expects too much, yeah he wants to walk on the path he drew, he is silent, but talks, he is stupid but sometimes smart, and surely he hates surprises, he decided to sit aside, of this whole life, sometimes he thinks about sacrificing his own life, he found the key for all of this, how  to live happily ever after, since happieness in his mind is only the transition between downs  and ups, so he decided to lay low.

Dreams keep coming back to him, with many doors and many places, but surely he hates the unknown, and actually what scares him the most, is to find nothing behind that door!!

That’s why he continues his life without trying to figure out the unknown,

Its an old ritual thing to do , “don’t tell my boss” J

 what attracts me the most is the status my friends at Facebook often writes, I check status updates .. in so simple and few words you actually know how this person feels, any plans he has in mind ..wishes …  feelings .. disappointment ..and sometimes hidden messages directed to someone in specific ..

I started to imagine that if every one of us writes his own status on his forehead   each morning.. and go on with his life when everyone actually can see what this person is facing today .. it would make communications less complicated … so everyone would skip the formalities ..of how are you today , what’s up , why you are sad/happy today ?

And get directly to the point .. when written words has its power , and when few letters express the most …

So what is your status today my friend? how can you describe in words who you are today?!

I knew I have problems in my teeth year ago .. I fixed some ,then I started postponing .. and now I have to face the torture chair for several times ..

The good thing about my dentist, she is female, pretty and young .. so all the factors gathered to help me serving the penalty ..

But things is not quiet as it seems.. my doctor discovered 7 major problems in my teeth which will take some time .. I was like “I don’t care about time , tell me about the pain !!”

So I surrendered, opened my mouth and she was like discovering and deciding where to start ..

Her assistant handed her the required tools to start .. the needle .. the digging machine and other stuff I don’t know what is it , it sounds horrible …am surrounded with loud voices moving directly to my head .. vinnnnnnn … drrrrrrrr …. Izzzz  .. during that I was searching for any distraction idea could take me away from all this mess and I couldn’t find one .. mmmmmm …. ok yeah I got one , I imagined that I have been kidnapped by aliens and they tied me to the torture chair .. Lights over my head and now I have to confess and tell the truth .. then my kidnapper “dentist” start asking me questions as if we can make real conversation here !!!

I cant even nod my head , how can I talk?! , I know she knows that .. but anyway she asks !! for the sake of Doctor – Patient formalities nonsense …

I started looking at the roof searching for anything I can count, or read..NON !

The assistant pop an idea and asked , can we put some music ?

The dentist said “ask her” , the assistant “who” ?! “Her “,

and she pointed to me , ok I guess I have a name !! but then I stole a smile with my wide open mouth, and nod my head with approval , at least I will have some distraction ,

I don’t care if it was “Mustafa Kamel … or Tamer Husni “ which she chose finally I just want time to pass ..

The assistant get in the mood , and started tapping with happiness on my chair .. ok !!  I wish to yell at  her PLEASE STOP IT !!  but that didn’t happen !

Finally my kidnapper decided to release me … and now I have strange material stuck in my mouth ,my tongue is numb, I speak in a funny way ..and my teeth wont be the same again after filling them with white disgusting material  ..

I had a question for the dentist.. I noticed pain in my gum lately .. so she put her finger in the place and press on … it was painful .. then she looked at the X-ray of my teeth and said ,you have a growing teeth coming up “Wisdom Teeth” .. I was like OH MY GOD !

Me and my little one year old nephew are teething …  now I can imagine how does it feels like to have a coming up tooth … 3abood my little angel .. I think I would be honest when I say .. I know exactly how does it feel.

تستيقظ عمان صباحا كل يوم ، على رائحة القهوة من العربات المصطفة أو من على الشرفات و المقاهي الموزعة هنا و هناك ، وقع أقدام أبنائها المسرعين لأعمالهم يحملون آمالا بيوم مثمر كشجر الليمون و اللوز ، أو اكتمالا لحلم يكبر كل يوم أملا بأن يصبح حقيقة ، قصص و حكايا ، أعقاب سجائر مشتعلة غير منتهية ، عيون نصف مغمضة ، و آلام خفية تحتضنها المدينة بسكانها ..

أسرع خطاي لأصل وجهتي ، فيستوقفني لحن حزين ، لقضية لا تزال معروضة على جدار الزمن ، لحن أمل بالعودة ،لوطن و أي وطن …

بل لمدينة لا أعرفها، لا أعرف شكلها و لا لونها..

أحن فيها لأشخاص لا أعرفهم، و لنسائم لم تلتقطها أنفاسي، و لزيتونة خضراء صغيرة في أعلى الجبل..

أحن لمن أشاطرهم دمي و لا أعرف أسماءهم ، لأرض لا أميز و قع قدمي على ترابها ، لمساءات و صباحات ، لأعراس الورد ينثر لونه على جنبات الطريق . . لمدينتي جنين ،اعذريني فأنا لا أعرفك إلا بلحن حزين .. و دبكة شعبية و كوفية بيضاء … و بصور أحاول تركيبها و تجميعها علها تصنع لي وطنا في مخيلتي ، أزوره كلما أسرتني نفحة من حنين …

She counted the pages of the book over and over again it may change “she said” ..and kept on counting ..

Then she looked at the window .. everything still the same .. the number of roses .. water drops hanging at the edges .. the sound of cars .. People walking in the streets .. no one can see a difference .. am I the only one feeling that .. “she wondered” ..

She looked at her hands ..watch her fingers one by one .. every curve .. every old wound ..

Each wound holds a story .. she took deep breath .. closed her eyes and thought ..

She knows that each letter she is typing is revealing her hidden thoughts .. though she wanted to let go .. to let these letters write her today .. maybe she will write them tomorrow ..

She was searching for that reason ..  for that inner power she could use to see what is different now than anytime before ?!

To know what has changed her,or is she still the same ?!

She looked in people’s faces searching for stories they written in their wide open eyes .. in their way of combing their hair .. the way they walk and talk .. type of friends they like to be with ..

And then she stopped for a second .. she didn’t thought about that before …or in that particular way .. she ran into her room ..hold her mirror in her hands ..and looked deeply to the reflection to her picture.. she didn’t know that she can read her own story now … clearer than ever …

Its my first post here ..

So I will start my post explaining from where I got the name dazzled ..

I went to a movie in cinema which is not something I usually do,actulay it’s a pleasant experience ..and I will keep going for some action in my life from time to anther ..

So lets get back to the subject ..i went there with a dear friend,we watched the movie, the audiences were us, two couples who I doubt they were actually watching,and an old man who I was checking on every now and then that he is still awake J

My friend doesn’t like old men, any way , so the word dazzle keep on coming on the movie we liked it both , we even used it to express how much fun we had that evening ..

I dunno if am still dazzled .. or my life considered to be such one,

In Japanese culture you may describe your whole year in one word, its like a plan or goal or even hope to make that word identifying your year in positive way ..

So I will choose dazzle as a word ..  maybe my year will turn to be dazzling one !